The Paths Home: Bleak Desolation
by Muse's Inspiration
Summary: Following the path through pain can lead you home.


**The Paths Home: Bleak Desolation**

  
**Type of Story:** Series (**The Paths Home:)  
**Rating:** PG-13 (Language)   
**Characters:** Most all from the X-Men movies.**

**Feedback:** Emily_joyner@ureach.com  (_Please_?? I love feedback!!)  
**Disclaimer**:  I don't own them, I only play with them… 

**Additional Disclaimer**:  I'd like to **_think_ that I'm being original here, but more than likely I'm not.  If anyone else has read anything like this, please let me know so that I can give credit where it's due!**

**Song fic**:  Duende by Delerium

(Words in _italics are song lyrics)_

(Words in single ' quotes ' are first person… as if you couldn't figure that out'

_Bleak desolation_

_In a beam of sun_

He wakes, squinting in the brightness of the morning's light.  He feels the pain then.  The ache of the emptiness that resides within himself.  Residing where his heart should be.  It's been like this forever it seems, although he knows in reality it's only been a short while.  The loneliness haunts him, ***in* him.  He wonders if it will ever end.  And he remembers…**

_Scraping as I crawl_

_(Your heart can't hear me)_

' I try to get to you, but they hold me back.  I scream out in anguish, in pain, but to no avail! '

_Tearing, bruising fall_

_(Your hands can't hear me)_

' I fall, trying to reach you.  Ripping at the hands that hold me in place. '

_Thirsting, raging blind_

_(Your eyes can't hear me)_

' I'm desperate to see you, cursing at fate.  Why?!  Why would it do this to us?!  ***How* could it do this to us?! "**

_Racing against time_

_(Your arms can't hear me)_

' And it's over… you're gone from me.  That quickly… I don't understand. '

_Like an angel you'll come_

_In a dream, Precious One_

_(and)_

_Make me beautifully numb_

He lives in dreams.  She's always there.  Her presence wrapping itself around him.  It dulls the pain of her absence.  Sleep… it's his preference now.  Nothing hurts him.. ***them*** there.  They are always young there, always beautiful, always together.

_Desperate, panicked calls_

_(The wind can't hear me)_

' I wake, crying out your name, but you never hear me.  I hear the familiar tap on the door.  She always comes.  She offers her comfort and her friendship, never asking for more.  She knows that I can't give it to her.  Am I being selfish for taking and not giving?  Maybe.  But tonight, I need what only she can give me… safety and security from the darkness in my mind. '

_Muffled, weak and small_

_(The sand can't hear me)_

' I cry sometimes, the tears coming with no warning.  She never minds.  Her soft words and quiet actions offer more solace from the maelstrom of emotions than any counselor ever could.  She understands.

_Pleading, groping hands_

_(The truth can't hear me)_

' I can't face it!  I won't accept it!  I hold out my hands, hoping to ward it off.  But it won't stop, no matter how I plead, how I beg! '

_Bleeding in the sand_

_(Your heart can't hear me)_

' You're gone. '

_Bleak desolation_

_In a beam of sun_

' The truth bites.  Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.  Ignorance ***is* bliss. '**

_Like an angel you'll come_

_In a dream, Blessed One_

_(and)_

_Make me joyfully numb_

She has been replaced in his dreams.  He finds a different comfort now.  The aching is replaced by need… a need to live.  A need to feel.  A need to ***be*!  And he's tormented each night…  A feeling such as he has never felt before is beginning to develop.**

_Razor fingers cling_

_(The wind can't hear me)_

' I want her.  I need her.  But I love you as well.  And the pain of the choice is much like a knife my chest.  I scream into the storm of my feelings, demanding an answer!  "Why can't I have peace?!" '

_Piercing demons sing_

_(The sand can't hear me)_

' The fates once again laugh at me.  She has told me that she can't be with me.  She won't share me.  She tells me that I must choose: her or you. '

_Twisting, hollow Hell_

_(The truth can't hear me)_

' The nights offer no comfort again.  This Hell that is my slumber offers no rest.  The dreams of you and her twisting together and melding, not allowing me any peace.  What do I do, My Love? '

_Burning blisters swell_

_(Your heart can't hear me)_

' The pain becomes that of a fire, ever growing.  The emptiness is back a thousand fold.  The darkness swells within my mind once again.  I need your love here to shelter me.  I need her heart to guide me.  But neither of you can hear me. '

_Sharp, cut, aching breath_

_(Your arms can't hear me)_

' I can't live like this anymore.  I ***won't*** live like this anymore. '

_Choking scent of death_

_(Your hands can't hear me)_

' I smell the death coming, riding on the scent of iron.  I choke, needing air.  I pale, needing the blood rapidly leaving my body.  I look down and her face swims before my vision and I know… you've helped me make my choice.  You were never selfish.  You always gave.  Thank you.

_Grueling jaw-bone grind_

_(Your eyes can't hear me)_

' I have no strength left.  I muster what bit of will I have left and yell for help, and I pray.  Pray that I get through this so I can let her know.  I ***have*** to let her know! '

_Cursed by my own mind_

_(Your heart can't hear me)_

It's been six months since her tried to take his own life.  Logan was the one who found him, alerted by the scent of his blood.  They were barely able to save him, but he survived.  When he finally regained consciousness, he immediately asked for her.  She came.

"I love you."

"I know."

And Scott smiled at Marie, finally knowing that he'd make it.  He was going to be whole again, someday.


End file.
